why me?

"The power of the One who raised Jesus from the dead is living in us, and as a result we have no need to muster up our own might. Our great need is to fall before an almighty Father day and night and to plead for Him to show His radical power in and through us, enabling us to accomplish for His glory what we could never imagine in our own strength. And when we do this, we will discover that we were created for a purpose much greater than ourselves, the kind of purpose that can only be accomplished in the power of His Spirit."


I have found myself asking this question a lot within the past few weeks, especially in preparation for Bangladesh. 


Why me?


I can't seem to figure out why in the world He would choose me to serve Him across the world this summer. I'm a filthy sinner. I struggle to stay focused on Him throughout the craziness of life, and a lot of the time I fail miserably. Yet He continues to love me. He continues to forgive me. He continues to equip me for the furtherance of His kingdom.


But why? Grace. That's why.


For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. 
Ephesians 2:8-9


"But that gift of grace involves the gift of a new heart. New desires. New longings. For the first time, we want God. We see our need for Him, and we love Him. We seek after Him, and we find Him, and we discover that He is indeed the great reward of our salvation. We realize that we are saved not just to be forgiven of our sin or to be assured of our eternity in heaven, but we are saved to know God. So we yearn for Him. We want Him so much that we abandon everything else to experience Him. This is the only proper response to the revelation of God in the gospel."


I am here to make much of Him and His glory. 


"God blesses His people with extravagant grace so they might extend His extravagant glory to all the peoples on the earth."


So despite my flaws, I will continue to serve Him with all that I am. I will strive to live my life radically abandoned to Him. And I will go boldly where He has commanded me to go. Will it be easy? HECK NO. But will it be worth it? You better believe it. 

a new perspective.

“College: a four year window in a person’s life when God has maximum opportunity to build a foundation into a life lived for Him.”

A few weeks back, I began reading Fuel and the Flame by Steve Shadrach. In the beginning of the book, the author stresses how vital college can be.

In order for this to make sense, you're going to need a little background information. In so many words, school is NOT my thing. All throughout high school I was convinced that I wasn't in need of a college degree, but to my disadvantage (at the time), my daddy had a very different opinion. 

After I went to Uganda in 2010, the Lord completely changed my heart towards education. I realized that it shouldn't just be "something I had to do." Rather it should be something that I desired to do, in order to further my knowledge, therefore furthering the kingdom of God.

Needless to say, I'm a full time student at Augusta State. It is definitely still a struggle for me to look past the fact that I have to study and do homework, because school is not something that I'm passionate about whatsoever. But this is where the Lord has me, and slowly but surely I'm realizing that He has more in store for me during these next three (or five) years of school.

That being said, Fuel and the Flame has definitely begun to hit home. Throughout the entire first chapter, the author explains how much a young adult grows during this time. It's when you really begin to figure out exactly who you are in Christ.

“The most recruitable, trainable, and sendable category of persons on planet earth is the American college student. They are, and will be, the leaders of every facet of society. If we can win students today, we can win the world tomorrow. Although they make up only 1% of the world's 6.6 billion people, they are easily the most "powerful percent" on earth; the most influential slice of humanity in existence.” -Steve Shadrach

Now for a slight change of subject:

In Matthew 13, Jesus tells a few different parables. The one that I want to focus on is the parable about the sower. Jesus mentions four different scenarios. Some seeds fell beside the road, and the birds came and ate them up. Some fell on the rocky places, and immediately they sprang up but when the sun came, they were scorched because they didn’t have roots. Some fell on thorns and were choked. But others fell on the good soil and actually yielded crop.

I cannot count the number of times I've heard the parables mentioned in this chapter. I always knew that I didn't want to be planted on the road, the rocks, or in the pokey vines. But until this moment, I've never truly gotten it. 

I absolutely love how this is broken down in verses 19-23 of this chapter:

"When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one on whom the seed was sown beside the road.

"The one on whom seed was sown on the rocky places, this is the man who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy;

yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he falls away. 

"And the one on whom the seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful. 

"And the one on whom seed was sown on the good soil, this is the man who hears the word and understands it; who indeed bears fruit and brings it forth, some a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty."

I’m coming to the realization that college isn’t just about barely scraping by and getting a degree. It’s about building an incredibly firm foundation, deepening a lasting relationship with the Lord, and figuring out what exactly it is that He wants for my life. 

"We're not saying the college campus is special in and of itself, just that our hearts are there. Our roots are there. Our calling is there. And our desire, like you, is to see God's name magnified in this collegiate generation." -Louie Giglio

aspiring world changer.

“There is but one coward on earth, and that is the coward that dare not know.” 

During my internship in Chicago, I will be working with the Children-at-Risk program. We’ve begun working on our advocacy project, and in order to do so, we need ideas. We were given some websites that have done really incredible things, so today I began researching.

demiandashton.org - an organization that is striving to “raise awareness about child sex slavery, change the cultural stereotypes that facilitate this horrific problem, and rehabilitate innocent victims.”

As I’m sitting here at my desk, my heart is breaking. 

Facts about sex slavery:

- The global sex slavery market generates $32 billion in profits annually.

- Two million children are subjected to prostitution in the global commercial sex trade.

 - In just the United States, between 100,000 and 300,000 children are enslaved and sold for sex.

The average age of entry into prostitution is age twelve. 

Age twelve. 

At age twelve the average girl is in seventh grade, concerned with absolutely nothing other than clothes, makeup, and cute boys. Yet there are over one hundred thousand children sold into sex slavery in the United States alone, two million worldwide.

Every minute, two children are sold.

I just want to fix it. I want to comfort the broken hearted. I want precious children to know that they are beautiful. I want them to know that they have a Father that loves them, even though they feel completely unlovable. I want them to know that they are not  forgotten. 

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.” 

my story.

Growing up, I was surrounded by people who served the Lord from all over the world; specifically two families in Africa. People always told me that the Lord would show me what He wanted for my life, and I vividly remember being absolutely terrified that He was going to call me to serve Him in some foreign place like Africa. I was much too selfish to even consider leaving my home, my family, my country. My prayer was that the Lord wouldn’t even consider me for serving Him in a place as “horrible” as Africa.

Then in 2008, I studied the book of James at Precept Ministries. And I read James 1:27 – “Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.”

This verse changed my heart forever. The Lord completely grabbed hold of me, and suddenly I wanted to serve Him in whatever way He saw fit, whether that be in a country on the other side of the world, or right here in Georgia.

During my senior year of high school, the opportunity arose to travel to Uganda, Africa with an organization called SafeWorld Nexus. I immediately accepted, eager for a new adventure.

Four days after graduation, the journey began; the journey that would change my life forever. I completely and totally fell in love with Africa. The people, the land, the precious orphans who desperately wanted to be loved – everything fit.

Something that I have come to realize since I returned is that I need Africa more than Africa needs me.
“It is Africa that has taught me that possessions in my hands will never be as valuable as peace in my heart. I’ve learned that I don’t need what I have and I have what I need. These are just a few of this continent’s many lessons. I came here to serve and yet I’ve found that I have so much to learn, and Africa, with all its need, has so much to teach me.” -mochaclub.org

I am now an eighteen year old college student whose prayer has drastically changed over the years. Now, I hope and pray that the Lord would bless me with the opportunity to serve Him in the beautiful country of Uganda. I pray that I will be satisfied if He leads me to stay in the States. I pray that I will use my talents to further His kingdom. I am ready to put away my predetermined thoughts of everything. I want to be clay.